Do you think that maybe, just maybe, professional sports are fixed? I'm not talking about wrestling. I'm talking about football, baseball, basketball, boxing, horse racing, auto racing: any sport upon which huge sums of money can be wagered and won. Any sport where any one human's effort, or enforcement of the rules, determines the outcome. Money makes humans do things they wouldn't ordinarily do.

But what if the fixing is not for money? What if it's not a bookie fixing the game, but the government? How weird would that be?

Can you imagine Cheney and his boy king discussing how to get people's minds focused on how great America is? Gotta get 'em interested in sports again. And not playing them. That doesn't help us control their minds. We gotta get 'em back sitting on the couch, watching advertisements for things they don't need and can't afford, becoming convinced that they could be who they want to be, if only they had a little more. A little more. A little more of what we got at the Country Store.

But how do we really suck in the eyeballs? It's gotta be compelling. It's gotta be riveting. It'd be nice if it had some drama. George gets an idea, and unlike most of them, he feels confident enough of the subject matter to bring it to his boss' attention. "Hey, I got it, Dick! What if the Diamondbacks beat the Yankees on the last play of the World Series? What could be more riveting than the underdog winning on the last play?" George is a baseball man. "I know who to call. Tell Torre we need some late inning heroics from the D-Backs. Yeah, he'll know what to do."

"I don't know, George," says Dick, always the prudent one. "Torre's got the best closer in the game. It's nearly impossible to beat the Yankees late, and we can't afford the ratings hit to let the old hacks, uh, I mean, the D-Backs win it early. It's gotta be late, or Giuliani will kick our ass for not letting him have his parade."

George reassures his mentor. "I'm telling you, Dick, Torre knows what to do. He can bring Rivera in an inning or two early every night, if he wants, and not get second-guessed too much about it later. I agree, Rivera 's unhittable for three outs, but he could crack if he's forced to go longer. Plus, there's other things you can do late, if you know what to do. Like you could pull in the infield if somebody gets on third with less than two outs. Turns a .220 hitter into a Hall-of-Famer to bring that infield in."

The next day: Dick's elated, like he gets when he hears baby seals caught in the gears of an oil rig. "Damn, George! You were right! That little nubber Gonzalez hit would have been gobbled up by Jeter for an inning ending double play, if Torre hadn't brought in the infield. What do you have in mind for football, son? What if we made the Patriots win on the last play? They have to play Oakland, but Al Davis owes me a favor, and he knows just the ref for the job. Knows the 'rules' really well, I hear."

Please forgive me. I need these little fantasies. They lend a sense of order to the chaos for me. As you were.

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Rule for Life: Unless you believe you can convince the other person that you're right, and (s)he's wrong, don't ever disagree. This rule applies even if you really Disagree. It doesn't matter what they say; it matters what you say. That's the only thing you can control.

Or can you?

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Hippieocrasy (n) - hypocritical tendency often exhibited by aging hippies as they find themselves increasingly dependent upon the subtleties of the very establishment against which they protest so loudly, e.g., driving an SUV made in Mexico for a Japanese corporation to an anti-globalization rally, or the Grateful Dead Hour being on NPR. Stuff like that. Let me know if you have any suggestions.